Person-Centred Therapy
I’m a person-centred therapist, and, in case you wonder what person-centred therapy means, I’ll describe it briefly. See what you think about the approach.
The basic principle of this approach to therapy is the idea that each living thing comes into this world with the capacity to grow and become its fullest and most vibrant self.
Think of a plant. It grows. It’s in its DNA to grow. In the right conditions for that plant, in the soil, temperature, light level, water amounts and nourishment suitable for that plant, it will grow to its lushest self.
The conditions are key. If they are not suitable for the plant – if the plant doesn’t receive what it needs – it will struggle.
We, human beings, are the same. It’s in our DNA to grow into our healthiest, most vibrant, most creative, most accomplished, kindest, most loving selves. But just like plants, we need the right conditions for our growth. Without them, without our needs being met, we struggle.
So, what do we need for our emotional and mental wellbeing and growth? We know it instinctively, but a growing body of research also confirms that we need loving, supportive relationships. Growing up, we need the nourishing “soil” of a protective and responsive family where we feel the warmth of our parents’ (or other caregivers’) love, the gentle light of their attention, and the water and nourishment of their care.
We need safe and considerate relationships at school, work and with our friends. We need to feel that our uniqueness and individuality is noticed and respected. If it is, we will grow up and live our day-to-day lives feeling worthy of our own and other people’s esteem, we’ll feel that all is well with the world, and we’ll thrive. Our emotional and mental wellbeing will have a ripple effect on our physical and social wellbeing, we’ll do well at school and at work, and we’ll feel keen to contribute to the greater good.
But what makes a relationship loving, supportive and nourishing?
First, being noticed, seen and heard whether we are feeling joy or hurt; experiencing the kind attention, non-invasive curiosity and care of the other person; feeling understood by them. Feeling their empathy.
Then, feeling unconditionally accepted, respected and valued just as we are, regardless of what we are going through, regardless of our differences, quirks and warts.
And finally, feeling at a visceral level that the other person knows themselves and is ok with themselves. It’s when we feel that they are happy to show up as they really are that we can trust their empathy and unconditional respect, and that we feel free to openly show them our differences. And from their perspective, it’s when they are not preoccupied with how they appear to others that they have enough bandwidth to really listen and accept.
In a relationship like this, we feel safe and free to be who we are and to develop in ways that our inborn traits and talents enable us to.
However . . .
In many of our relationships (in our families, at school, in the media, in society and in our culture), we often get the spoken or unspoken message that we shouldn’t feel what we feel, think what we think, say what’s on our minds, and do what we’re inclined to do. We absorb the message that we’re not ok the way we are; that there’s something wrong with us. That we should feel, think, say and do something else. That we ONLY deserve respect IF we follow the other person’s agenda, adopt their values and submit to their guidance. Our self-esteem gets shattered, and we can only feel ok about ourselves if we come up to their standards.
And, along the way, we lose touch with our true selves. In order to save the relationship, we try not to feel what we feel, not to think what we think, not to say what occurs to us and not to do things that the other person deems unacceptable. Instead, we try to feel, think, say and do what’s expected of us.
It’s hard to live with the constant battle of stifling our natural inclinations. Even if we have long lost touch with our naturally occurring feelings, thoughts and needs, our bodies want to follow them. This unconscious internal battle can lead to feelings of unease and anxiety. Our “failure” to turn into someone else can lead to self-judgement, depression and isolation. Since we can’t show who we are deep down and we’re left alone with our true emotions and thoughts, we may feel painfully lonely.
So, our “dysfunctions” are natural responses to a world that wants to change us into someone we’re not.
Person-centred counselling seeks to be the opposite of this world.
It offers a relationship that provides the empathy and unconditional valuing that we yearn for and that is the condition of our thriving. Counsellors who are ok enough with themselves to show up as they are, are able to be open to the client’s feelings, thoughts and experiences, and are able to accept them exactly as they are.
They understand and value the client, and never pressure them to change. Change and healing OCCUR NATURALLY when we feel heard, seen, understood, and valued; when we feel safe and free to be who we are just as we are right now.
Person-centred counselling doesn’t promise a quick fix.
It’s a gentle, patient and compassionate process, which respects and supports the client’s own timing, own initiative and own direction for change.
Like any other form of counselling, person centred counselling is a cooperation between the client and the counsellor. It assumes the client’s commitment to turn up regularly, to take the calculated risk of opening up as the therapeutic relationship deepens, to talk about some painful issues, and to feel the pain at times so that it can be released.
Once we feel understood and accepted just as we are, we start understanding and accepting ourselves. Gradually, we start listening to ourselves, trusting ourselves and following our own inner guidance. And this is when change starts to happen. As Carl Rogers (the founder of the person-centred approach) put it :
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself, just as I am, then I can change.”
This is what we typically do in sessions:
In a safe and confidential environment and respecting your own pace:
- We talk about YOU and the negative experiences you may have been carrying around for a long time, having been unable to discuss them freely.
- Acknowledge life's ups and downs.
- Process the pain (current and/or past) that keeps resurfacing.
- Listen to what this pain says about unmet needs, unfulfilled passions, and losses.
- Clarify what's important to you and what you want from life.
- Look at what you can change in your life.
- Experiment with new, more confident, more assertive ways of relating.
- Identify the resources, support network and opportunities available.
If you like the sound of this, book an appointment here.
Get in touch
Feel free to send me a message if you have any questions about how counselling works, or to arrange an initial meeting. This enables us to discuss why you are considering coming to counselling, whether it could be helpful for you and whether I am the right therapist to help.
You can also call me on +44 7432560307 if you would prefer to speak to me first. Please leave a message if I can't answer the phone when you call, and I'll get back to you.
My practice is located in Bodmin, Cornwall. I see clients from Bodmin and the surrounding areas of Lostwithiel, St Austell, Liskeard, Newquay, Camelford, Saltash, Launceston, Truro and Wadebridge. I will provide location details when we arrange our counselling sessions.
I also see clients online. Please contact me to discuss the details.
I shall look forward to speaking with you.
Availability for counselling sessions:
Tuesday - 09.00-17.00
Wednesday - 08.00-17.30
Thursday - 09.00-17.00
©Counselling for Personal Empowerment
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